suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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