Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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