why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
