I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
