my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize