Dual....:-)
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the day after is always just damage control
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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