I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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