Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
