I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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