I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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