no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
