I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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