I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
