I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
