Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
