C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
