Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dick very happy bro
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
