does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize