We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
