Screwed.edu
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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