For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
