Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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