You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize