why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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