I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
