i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
