The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
