u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
