is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize