all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
