just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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