I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
