I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize