i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
