You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
