Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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