I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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