I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
