My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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