if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
