your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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