woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
