sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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