Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
