I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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