i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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