ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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