i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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