I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
