life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
