Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
