Where is the hickey?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
