I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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