You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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