You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
