it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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