so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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