I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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