She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
