You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
