you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
