Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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