the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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