I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize