i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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