OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
