I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
