Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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