So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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