Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
