Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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