butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
