Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
