Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
