I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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