Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
