She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
