addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize