thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
