You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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