How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
