absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I touched a dick in church today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
