if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
