I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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