id be glad to
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
