I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
