singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
