Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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