good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
