the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
