Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
