Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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