i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
