What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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