ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
