Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize