dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
