Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
